


deep love; a thread only wide eyes could see

by hannrose



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Secret Relationship, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, peter has an savior complex, soft mj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 05:14:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannrose/pseuds/hannrose
Summary: “MJ, you know that tomorrow, we, uh--” He scratched the back of his neck. “We can’t really talk to each other.”“Yeah, Peter. I’m aware. But, pass me a note in class and meet me behind the bleachers during lunch and I won’t be mad.” Peter slumped his shoulders, exhaling loudly and opening his mouth to deliver bad news. “It was a joke. We can go back to how we were before the blip.”“I’m sorry I’m making you do this. I just want to make sure everything is fine before--”“I know. It’s fine, completely fine. I’m just happy to be with you.”And that was the god’s honest truth.





	deep love; a thread only wide eyes could see

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lanos11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanos11/gifts).

After the identity reveal, Michelle didn’t see Peter again until August 10th. A month after his world collapsed-- and his 17th birthday.

She had woken up that morning thinking about him. For weeks, heinous paparazzi had been  _ sleeping _ around the premises of Peter’s apartment, waiting to get a shot of him walking through the glass doors or sneaking out his window. And for weeks, the only Parker footage they got was from May, who left the building six a.m. every weekday and came home with takeout every night at seven p.m. (Michelle checked, one time bribing some of the photographers to tell her what they’ve noticed. She was worried.)

Last night, though, the city let out a huge sigh of relief. Mysterio’s video ruined Peter’s life, but it didn’t make him a criminal; when the pictures came out that he was, in fact, alive, there were celebrations. He was trending on Twitter for hours. New York City’s hero hadn’t abandoned them-- and look! There’s a picture of the valiant Peter Parker being bombarded with a baby, almost like the Pope. How cute.

Everyone failed to noticed how he looked. Michelle scrolled down her feed and watched people call him “handsome” and “adorable” and fantasize about what was under that baggy sweatshirt he wore. She knew those things about him were true (and didn’t have to fantasize) but the pictures made her so  _ worried _ . There were tears in the waterline of his eyes, which were red and puffy, already. His skin was sickly pale, his body looking smaller than she remembered. 

Michelle fell asleep stressing over those stupid photos, and hoped they would leave her mind the next morning. Obviously, they didn’t, and almost immediately she was reminded of how it was Peter’s birthday.

She had been trying not to cry. She had been trying  _ really _ ,  _ really _ hard. That first week when Peter ignored her endless text messages and embarrassingly long voicemails, and explained it away with “ _ this will keep you safe, i’m sorry, M _ ,” then never texted again-- that was one of the worst weeks of her life. Michelle woke up in tears, she went to bed in tears. The thought of Peter would cross her mind and she would hate herself for crying. It was  _ exhausting _ , and uncontrollable. She cared for Peter, more than she had ever cared for anyone. So the crying, for a week, was justifiable. But after that, she couldn’t bear it.

On his birthday, though, she felt that urge again. Peter deserved a proper birthday party, attended by people he didn’t really care for, and a cake that made a joke about how he should be twenty-two, and… and a  _ girlfriend _ standing there by his side to make it bearable.

But life wasn’t fair, and there was no party, no cake, and no girlfriend. Michelle felt robbed  _ for  _ Peter… and maybe for herself, as well-- their kisses were supposed to lead them into a long and steady relationship. It’s what they had both been dreaming of for a while, as he admitted on the plane. They even made a ‘relationship plan.’ And he was so excited about it, never letting go of her hand and writing things down on napkins. “ _ This is my girlfriend _ ,” he had imitated. “I like the way that sounds.”

Which is why Michelle wanted to cry so badly. He was eager to live, to love, to experience the world, and he got robbed of it at every chance possible. The universe had it out for him; it was  _ bullshit _ .

A knock on her window occurred before she even got out of bed. Michelle, her back originally turned away from it, shifted onto her other side. She was numb to fear as she stared at the window, realizing the lock was broken, and still didn’t move.

Michelle watched a fist, covered in black and red fabric, knocked on her window again. She pushed herself upright with one arm and rested on it as she waited for another knock, her spine tingling as her brain jumped to conclusions. It couldn’t have been Peter. There were no pictures of Spider-Man swinging through New York today, unless she missed something. But that was his  _ hand _ \-- his suit’s hand, sure, but it’s not like anyone else wore it.

She hesitantly crawled off the bed and quickly leaped in front of the windowsill. She pushed the window up, the breeze confronting her first, and when peaking outside, Peter’s grin met her, second.

With hypnotized eyes she stared at him. She didn’t know if she felt like exploding in anger for being ignored or happiness for the fact that he was here. “Hey, MJ,” he said, scratching just below his hairline. “Can I come in?”

Michelle took a step back as Peter moved into her bedroom. His legs landed first, his torso still sticking out into the open world, but she didn’t care. She lurched her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest, and he let out a shriek in response. “This is a little uncomfortable,” he chuckled. “I think standing here too long might give me some horrible back pain.”

“Just hug me back,” Michelle pleaded. He sunk down onto the floor and she followed, neither one of them acknowledging the loud  _ thump _ noise from his head making contact with the window. 

They sat there, quietly embracing the other. Peter had rested on his back, so Michelle had one arm underneath his chest and the other gripping his shoulder, afraid to let go. Her knee was hitched high on his torso and her head was placed right next to his on the carpet. She held him like she held her body pillow. Thankfully, Peter held her back, his hands connected around her waist. He kissed Michelle’s forehead before resting his cheek on the top of her head.

Eventually, the shock wore off. She pulled his head down so she could look him in the eyes. “Happy birthday,” she said, sweetly, wondering if he would leave if they kissed.

“Thank you,” he whispered back, and pressed his forehead against her’s and left it there. Their noses rubbed together when they talked. “May asked me this morning what I wanted to do today. She said she’d do anything possible to give me my wish so when I told her that I wanted to come here and see you…” Peter laughed. He caressed Michelle’s cheek with his thumb and whispered, “She ran outside and told everyone that Spider-Man was in Buffalo. Even showed them pictures that Ned photoshopped. I only have a few hours before they realize where I really am.”

_ All he wanted to do today was to see her _ . Michelle’s cheeks went red before clearing her throat. “I’m so sorry you have to live like that.”

“I’ll get used to it. Eventually, they’ll get bored and move on and I can go back to doing what I love.” A long pause followed as she felt his heavy eyes on her. “And with the people that I love. MJ, I am so incredibly sorry for never texting you back. I was paranoid that people were going to try to hack into it and try to hurt my friends and I didn’t want that for you. And I know that shouldn’t excuse it, I mean it surely doesn’t excuse it for me, because there were moments that I hated myself for putting you through--”

She interrupted him. “Peter, I understand. Really. You thought you were keeping me safe. B-but for future reference, no one has threatened to kill Ned yet. So I think you and I can… pick things up where we left them.”

“MJ, I think evil supervillains won’t see it the same way. And I’m not saying that I care about Ned less than I care about you but, in real history and in movie history, the villain kidnaps the person the hero is in love with.” Michelle felt Peter’s whole body go rigid, and he pushed himself up and away from her grasp. “Not saying I’m in love with you! I’m not. That’d be crazy and dramatic, obviously. But, you know, people might think that, and it’d be horrible if someone hurts you because of me.”

She rested her back on the wall. Their legs rested against each other, as Peter made a struggling attempt not to look at her. He was flustered, his endless chattering proof. Michelle grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers, whispering to him, “Do you know how many times someone has tried to mug me? I carry a taser for a reason.”

“MJ, this is different.”

“I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. I could fall down the stairs and crack my head open. We can’t live our lives based off of fear, Peter. And.. I really--” He turned his head, finally looking at her, and Michelle leaned forward. “I want the chance to fall in love with you.”

He let out a sigh that was packed with probably a million different apologies, but she would never hear them-- Michelle had kissed him. But, Peter pulled back, and as she dragged her finger across her bottom lip, she muttered, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I just want you to understand… Just understand that I don’t want you to get hurt because of me, MJ. And I want--  _ trust me _ , I want to, y’know, fall in love with you or whatever you said, but not if it’ll lead to you getting hurt.” His fingers tapped on the carpet in a circle, his focus on that instead of on her.

“I’ll be  _ fine _ . And you don’t even know for sure if anyone has declared you their mortal enemy! Peter, look at me.” His hand fell flat onto the ground and he shyly glanced up. “If there was nothing holding you back, would you want to be with me?”

Peter smiled. “In a heartbeat.”

“Then pretend like there is  _ nothing  _ holding you back. We won’t tell anyone that we’re together until we decide to.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

Michelle nodded. And then he nodded.

“Really?” she exclaimed. She couldn’t believe he actually agreed to it that easily-- because, to be honest, she didn’t even expect those words to even come out of her mouth. Lying wasn’t her strong suit, so a whole  _ secret relationship? _

Peter made her absolutely crazy. That’s the only explanation Michelle had.

“We can get burner phones and I can slip coded messages into your mailbox about where to meet and when. It’ll be fun.”

The warm feeling that  _ was _ in her stomach went cold. “You’re an asshole. I thought you were being serious.” 

“MJ, I am serious.” He moved closer to her, leaving just enough room so Michelle could see the corners of his smile. “Let’s do it. And no one has to know, right?”

“Right,” she echoed.

___

The first time they were almost caught, it was the day before school started.

As far as the rest of the world knew, the last time Michelle Jones and Peter Parker had seen each other was the day his identity was revealed. Even Ned had no clue. And the only thing that May knew was that, on days she came home early, a pair of women’s shoes that did not belong to her would be sitting right next to the door.

At that point, the paparazzi had moved on from Peter. So, on Sunday evenings, when Michelle’s parents were home and May was volunteering at the shelter, she went over to the Parker’s apartment. She entered through a back door, of course, as Peter was still scared that someone was still spying on him.

His suspicions didn’t bother Michelle. She would eagerly climb the stairs up to the fifth floor, out of breath by the time she hit his door, and would knock until he opened. Peter would open the door and would always tell her, “I have something great planned for you tonight!” His ‘plan’ was either dinner, a movie she had already seen, or a board game she had already beaten him at.

And all of those options Michelle loved. She had no complaints-- not even about having to sneak out threw the window if May came home unexpectedly.

This Sunday was just slightly different, though. Michelle still rushed up the steps, skipping a few on her way, and still knocked on the door with an excited smile. When it cracked open, and when she slid through, Peter was on the other side with a black eye.

“D-did Spider-Man come out of retirement today?” she asked, her thumb hesitantly gliding across the tender skin.

He winced. “I ran out of chips. So I went to the store and got jumped by a group of college assholes.”

“They probably wanted to see if they could win a fight against the  _ mighty Spider-Man _ ,” Michelle mocked. She locked her hands behind his neck as she felt his connect at her waist. “My brother is really excited for school to start because he wants a chance to go hand-to-hand with you.”

“Is he really?” Peter frowned.

“No, he isn’t. He wants your autograph and a picture, but that’s it.”

He groaned and rested his head on Michelle’s shoulder. “I don’t think I’ll even be able to take the subway without everyone trying to get something from me. Do you know how bad school will be? Our principal followed me on Twitter. Him and five other million people, MJ. I didn’t even know I still  _ have _ a twitter.”

“It’ll be okay, Peter. Things always work out for you.” She loved their height difference-- Michelle was just tall enough to rest her head on top of Peter’s when he was hugging her, without having to strain her neck.

Sighing, he moved his head off of her shoulder. His eyes were narrowed as he stared at the empty space past her, and Michelle could feel the rest of his body move slightly as Peter dragged his right foot back and forth of the floor. “You know what?” he said, his movements stopping and his gaze falling on her. “Let’s talk about this later. I missed you, MJ, let’s focus on that.”

“Whatever you want,” she hummed.

Peter closed the gap between them, and their lips delicately met. A soft smile spread across his face before kissing her again; this time, with more passion and care, like he really did miss her. 

“How can you miss me when you saw me yesterday?” Michelle teased, letting Peter press her against the door.

“Well yesterday, I left at three.” He moved hair from her face and kissed her cheek. “It’s six p.m. right now.” And her neck. “I can’t text you.” And again on her neck. “So after twenty four hours of no contact, it’s really easy to miss you.”

“I think you’re just using that as an excuse to woo me.” 

Peter moved, his forehead now resting against her’s. “And is it working?”

She opened her mouth to answer. However, the door knob started moving and he slammed his hand on the space behind her head to keep it from opening. “Go to my room,” he whispered.

Michelle sprinted around him and barely made it into his room before the front door opened. “May?” she heard. “What are you doing home?”

Her heart was pounding. Almost getting caught was kind of exhilarating. “I forgot my wallet. Why? Am I interrupting your evening?”

“Uh… yeah, May, you kinda are. Because I have a really important date coming and you will ruin the vibe.” 

May laughed, maybe a little too loudly. “Alright, Peter. Tell her or him or whoever it may be that I said  _ hello _ and that they shouldn’t take compromising pictures of my nephew-- he’s a celebrity now.”

“Goodbye, May.” 

The door slammed quickly after that, and Michelle heard Peter’s feet come crashing down the hall. “You told her you were on a date, Peter? What happened to keeping this a secret?”

“You must’ve heard her laughing at me, right? If you  _ want _ me to tell her that I have a girlfriend then I can go chase after her--”

She grasped the collar of his shirt and pulled him close. “Shut up, Peter,” Michelle laughed. “I think that’s the first time you’ve called me your girlfriend.”

“Oh? D-did you like it?” he stammered, suddenly nervous.

“I really did.” Hearing Peter Parker call her his  _ girlfriend _ almost made her too euphoric. Because although she knew there was a life outside of dating Peter, and wasn’t too obsessed with Spider-Man before she got to know him, it was still who he was. Peter was a hero, and he wanted to date her.

_ Her _ . Of all people.

“MJ, you know that tomorrow, we, uh--” He scratched the back of his neck. “We can’t really talk to each other.”

“Yeah, Peter. I’m aware. But, pass me a note in class and meet me behind the bleachers during lunch and I won’t be mad.” Peter slumped his shoulders, exhaling loudly and opening his mouth to deliver bad news. “It was a  _ joke _ . We can go back to how we were before the blip.”

“I’m sorry I’m making you do this. I just want to make sure everything is fine before--”

“I know. It’s fine, completely fine. I’m just happy to be with you.”

And that was the god’s honest truth.

Michelle went to school the next morning, grumpy and exhausted, and didn’t even think of seeing Peter until he walked into her first our class. She was already sitting in the front row--the best place for the teacher to get to know you--slumping in her chair like she was going to doze off. When she saw him, though, it was like a fire had been lit under her ass. Michelle sat up straight, putting her hair behind her ear and a small smile appearing on her face. From the corner of her eye, she expectantly watched as Peter scanned the room for a place to sit, and--

He chose the back corner. Practically as far away from her as he could get.

But she was fine with that. Before the period started, he walked to the front of the room to sharpen his pencil and placed a crumpled up piece of paper on Michelle’s desk. After waiting a minute to unravel it, her face flushed as she read it.  _ You look pretty (p.s. this was me passing you a note, but i think the bleachers are a no-go still) _

Right before class started, their teacher, Mr. Bennett, rose from his desk with a picture and a sharpie in hand. Like a nervous kid, he approached Peter’s desk. Michelle couldn’t hear what he was saying, but she assumed he had him sign a Spider-Man photo, because he reluctantly grabbed the sharpier and dragged it across the page. That was exactly what he expected.

Everytime Michelle saw Peter again throughout the day, he was always talking to people she had never even seen before. Signing old yearbooks or posters or arms or being thanked relentlessly by someone he once saved. Every teacher had something to say to him and every student wanted to be his friend. By lunch, Michelle could tell he was exhausted.

It killed her not being able to say anything to him. But it’s what she wanted, so she kept her mouth shut.

Later that night, Peter snuck through her window. She was laying in bed, waiting for him, and didn’t even flinch when he came up behind her and snaked his arm around her stomach. “Hey,” he sluggishly whispered in her ear. “I’m going to drop out of school.”

“Because of one bad day?” she whispered back, so her parents wouldn’t hear. Michelle turned to her side to look at him. “The novelty will wear off eventually. Soon, you’ll be just another guy who wears spandex.”

“I wanted to talk to you so badly.” Peter pouted, his bottom lip folding over.

“Me too, Peter. But it’s all going to get easier. I promise.”

He seemed content with that; he kissed her, his thumb trailing over her jaw. “I know it will,” he said, and he rested his head back onto the mattress so they could just lay there.

___

It did not get easier.

By October, things had gotten out of control. Michelle had fallen in love with him more than she expected to, and Peter had told her that he loved her so much, he’d do anything for her-- minus one, tiny, little thing.

They still managed not to tell anyone by a week before Halloween. Michelle’s visits to the Parker’s apartment were more frequent, as May was volunteering at the shelter more and more often and would even spend weekends at her boyfriend’s. (The boyfriend Peter refused to talk about.) For Peter and Michelle, that was a blessing-- she would tell her parents that she was sleeping over at Betty’s, and would bring a pizza and an overnight bag with her to Peter’s place.

Waking up in his arms was better than being in a public relationship. Michelle knew that for a fact.

The rest of Saturday would be spent together. They would hardly move from the couch, only doing so to eat or to use the bathroom, and would binge movie after movie after movie. It was her happy place; Michelle would dream of it during nights they weren’t together, and would think about it during boring family dinners, where her brother would tease her for smiling for no damn reason. 

And if they got lucky, Michelle would convince her parents into letting her stay another night. It rarely happened, but they made the most of it when it did.

School, though, was a different story. She would walk past him and would have to pretend like he didn’t mean the world to her; Michelle and Peter would randomly get assigned partners in Physics and could only discuss Physics-related things; she even sat somewhere new at lunch.

The twelve hour difference was astonishing-- seven p.m. Sunday evening, they could be totally obsessed with every inch of the other’s body, but seven a.m. Monday morning, it was like the other didn’t exist.

Things started to get messier just before Halloween. Peter, on one of their long weekends, dropped a bombshell. “I think I want to go back to being Spider-Man,” he said, just as Harry Potter had been sorted into Gryffindor. “I’m ready. And none of Mysterio’s followers have tried to contact me or anything, so I think it’s time.”

“That’s great, Peter,” she responded.

“Really? Because when I brought it up with May she said I should wait longer. The break w-was well needed and I’m glad I took it, but I miss it, y’know? And it’ll finally feel like things are really back to normal when I put the suit back on.” 

“You don’t have to convince me. I’ll support you in whatever you do.” They were cuddling on the couch, so Michelle peeled his hand off from around her and intertwined her fingers with his. “I’ve got your back, kid.”

“How did I get so lucky?” Peter said, and she could  _ feel _ his smile radiating from behind her. He kissed her cheek and continued, saying, “You know I love you, right? I’ll be thinking about how much I love you when I dodge those bullets.”

She lightly elbowed him in the gut. “Just because I’m supporting this decision does  _ not _ mean I’m excited for you to be in constant danger, Peter Parker. And-- yeah, I love you, too. That’s why you have to be extra careful. I don’t say that to just anyone.”

“I know you don’t,” he whispered, kissing her cheek one more time.

Peter first told her he was in love with her on that couch just last weekend-- and he had been mentioning it as much as he could. Michelle wasn’t even getting sick of it, if she was being honest.

And for the sake of honesty: no, she wasn’t that excited for Peter to strap the suit back on. She remembered what he looked like on the bridge, all bloody and bruised and broken on the inside. He woke up some nights in cold sweats and she knew he was dreaming about Mysterio. Once, he even told her what he saw while in one of Mysterio’s illusions-- Michelle being choked, and dropped off of the Eiffel Tower. That was probably where he got so paranoid of villains going after her, in the first place.

So, she wasn’t stoked. Of course she didn’t  _ want _ her boyfriend to potentially sacrifice his life, but it’s what  _ he _ wanted. Peter was going to do this one way or the other, so Michelle might as well bite her tongue instead of starting a fight she couldn’t even win.

Besides, maybe after a few months, he would realize that they don’t have to hide anymore. Not that she was unhappy sneaking around-- it was still kind of fun and exhilarating, because before this, she had never even lied to her parents before. But, when Michelle went out to dinner with her family, they would always see a couple on a date, holding hands across the table, and she would always think:  _ Why can’t we do that? _

She even had a list of all the places she would take Peter once they could go public. A rollerink, because she missed roller skating; the bookstore a few blocks away from her house, preferably on her birthday so he could buy her a book or two; the ice cream shop she always passed on her way to school, where they could be gross and share a cone; Michelle’s favorite place in the whole world, which was her aunt’s cabin in upstate New York. To go there, though, Peter would have to meet Michelle’s parents.

That would probably go terribly, though. And, when thinking of Peter meeting her parents, she would circle around and decide, once again, that keeping their relationship a secret was for the best.

They fell asleep after their Spider-Man conversation. Michelle woke up when the front door slammed, but didn’t even think to move until it was too late. “What the hell?” a voice, a familiar one, shouted.

Her eyelids fluttered open. Ned Leeds was standing in front of them, in his hands a box of pizza that was slowly slipping from his grasp. She tried shrugging Peter off of her but he wasn’t awake, and the longer they were in this position, the harder to lie to Ned it would be.

Finally, Michelle pushed his hands off of her. “What’s up, Ned?” she said, while shaking Peter’s shoulder to wake him up.

He groggily sat up, not opening his eyes until he finished his yawn. “What’s wro--  _ Ned _ ? How did you get in here? Did you break in?”

“What? No! May gave me a key in case of emergencies, and you haven’t responded to my messages since Friday after I forgot to meet you by the gym. So I thought you were mad and I wanted to check-- No, you know what? I don’t have to explain myself? What are you doing cuddling with Michelle Jones?” 

Peter and Michelle looked at each other, both stammering for an answer.

“Are you two together?” Ned continued. “Is she why we don’t hang out during the weekends anymore?”

“Uh… we’re… we’re just hanging out,” Peter blurted.

She knew their arrangement, but nevertheless, hearing that felt like a punch to the gut. Especially after he just got done telling Michelle how he loved her.   
  
“Since when do you two still talk? Because yesterday, you two rammed shoulders and MJ hissed at you and you were like, ‘ _ And to think I wanted to date her this summer _ .’”

Peter muttered, “ _ Shit _ ,” underneath his breath. “T-that was me giving her a note to tell her to come over after school.”

“We’re dating, Ned,” Michelle blurted. Peter shot her a look, clenching his jaw as he did, but she ignored it. “It’s almost been two months. He usually sneaks into my window on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and I usually spend the weekend here.”

“MJ--” Peter started.

Ned interrupted him. “Two months? Why… why didn’t you ever tell me? I’m supposed to be your best friend, dude.” He set the pizza on the coffee table, his sleeve running across his eyes as he did.

“You are! Ned, you  _ are _ my best friend. It’s just-- MJ, do you mind if Ned and I talk about this alone?”

_ Alone _ ? Like Michelle wasn’t apart of this like Peter was. “Go ahead. I’ll-- take a shower, or something.” That was the first thing that came to her head, and it felt like the dumbest thing to say in the whole world.

She stood up from the couch and walked into his bedroom to grab her clothes. “A shower?” she heard Ned say. “I’m not even comfortable enough to shower here! How often has she been sleeping here?”

“Since May started spending the weekends with Happy,” Peter said, trying to keep his voice hushed.

“That started happening in the  _ summer _ . How could you not tell me about something this big?” 

Michelle didn’t hear his answer, as she had sprinted across the hall and closed the bathroom door. She felt terrible. Ned looked and sounded like he was on the verge of tears, like Peter had betrayed him and she  _ helped _ . Not only did she help-- but it was kind of her fault for suggesting the whole secret business in the first place.

When she was done with her shower, Ned had left. Peter was sitting on the couch, slowly nibbling away at a slice of pizza. She sat down next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. “Is everything okay?” she asked.

“He should be fine. He was really upset that I didn’t tell him, but after I explained everything, he said it ‘kind of’ made sense. And when I told him how much I care about you, he said he was happy for us. And that he wouldn’t tell anyone.” 

Michelle plastered a smile on her face. “That’s great!” she lied-- because, a small part of her was ready for Ned to blab to the world.

“Yeah, it is. I’m sorry for kicking you out like that, by the way. Ned is better at one-on-one things than two people ganging up on him.” 

“It’s not a problem. Besides--” Michelle stole the slice from his hand, taking a big bite out of it. “--it all worked out, right? Now Ned can be our middle man.”

Peter’s hand launched at her’s, trying to get the pizza back, but she yanked it away. “I’m sure he’d  _ love _ that. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Eating,” she shrugged.

He tackled her, her back making contact with the couch and Peter lifting himself slightly so his weight wouldn’t hurt her. He stole the slice of pizza back from her. “Get your own piece,” he said, trying to sound intimidating, but couldn’t fight off his grin.

“For all I know, you’ve already eaten the whole box!” Michelle argued. 

“You don’t know that!” He sighed, his smile fading. “MJ, I’m sorry for saying that thing about us just hanging out. I didn’t know what to say, at all. But I love you, okay?”

“I know. I love you, too, Peter.”

___

Peter put the suit on just a few days after he told Michelle of his plans.

A group of ex-convicts decided to take advantage of the rush hour stall, stalking up on ski masks and bullets before heading to one of the busiest streets in the whole city. They waved their guns around and shot off a few rounds into the sky, telling the victim in the car to give them everything valuable they had with them, or they’d be shot. Some people tweeted about it, some called the police, but Spider-Man got there first.

The whole thing was recorded. Peter never even touched the ground, just flew through the air and strung the four guys up into a web that they couldn’t get out of. And the crowd, literally, went wild, as they celebrated the return of their hometown hero.

Kids at school the next day were all over him. “My dad was in the car right in front of the last one that got robbed! You saved my dad!” one kid exclaimed. Another swore to have  _ been _ in that last car, and that seeing Spider-Man come to his rescue was like finding God.

Michelle saw one girl in tears walk up to Peter and embrace him. “We missed you so much,” she sobbed. “You don’t know what you mean to us.” His eyes went wide as he struggled out of it, and somehow even wider when he saw Michelle down the hall.

She knew that didn’t mean anything, and she knew she needed thicker skin. Peter was New York’s sweetheart, of  _ course _ people would be throwing themselves at him. He was loyal. She trusted him.

Still-- that didn’t stop Michelle from feeling something empty, deep in her stomach, when she saw that girl hug Peter. Plus an undeniable urge to punch her in the face.

“That’s Spider-Man,” an eager voice had said from behind her.

Turning around, Michelle saw the boy she sat next to in geography. Harry something. “I’m aware of that, thanks.”

Harry’s grin disappeared “You’re just the only person in the whole school who hasn’t talked to him. At least from what I’ve seen.”

“Maybe that’s intentional.”

She started walking away from him, in the opposite direction of Peter and that girl, but Harry caught up with her. “Why? Do you hate him or something?”

“No, I’m madly in love with him,” Michelle said, drenched in sarcasm. Even though it was practically the truth.

“Oh. I mean, it’s cool that you don’t follow the crowds.” He stopped following her, his absence at her side not missed. “See you later!”

At lunch, Peter was surrounded by kids who deemed themselves popular. Truthfully, though, Michelle didn’t know any of their names, but could tell by the way that they held themselves that they thought they were important. They set their trays down around Peter, and he was too nice to tell them to leave, that the spot next to him was saved.

Ned walked into the lunchroom, and she could practically see the fumes coming out of his nose. “This has been happening all day,” he ranted in her ear. “They walk up to him and form this circle around him and slowly push me out of it. And he hardly even notices!”

“I’m sure it’s difficult for him, too,” Michelle responded, flipping to the next page in her book. “He doesn’t like attention like this, so I think he’s just flustered right now. Just give him a few days to get used to it.”

“You are way too calm. It’s creeping me out.” Ned looked down at his phone and let out a groan. “He wants you to know that he can’t make it tonight, but that tomorrow is still on, and that we are  _ both _ invited to Gwen Stacy’s Halloween party.”

Michelle scoffed-- Peter hated parties. 

She had no intentions of going. But after school the next day, Peter was pleading. “Come on, MJ! You have to go. It won’t be fun without you.”

“Seriously? Like we’d even get to hang out together,” Michelle muttered. His hand disappeared from her’s. “I’m sorry, Peter. That came out harsher than I expected.”

“No, I get it, it’s frustrating for me too. But I can wear my homemade ones, the sweats, and keep the mask on the whole time, so no one knows it’s me. And there’d probably be a ton of other Spider-Man costumes! We could actually spend time together, MJ. Doesn’t that sound amazing?”

It wasn’t the rollerink, or her aunt’s cabin, but it was in  _ public _ . They would actually be together in  _ public _ , and she would go anywhere with him to do that. “Fine, I’ll go,” she begrudgingly said. Peter’s fists shot into the air in celebration. “But I require you to kiss me at least once. And none of that peck shit-- a  _ real _ one.”

He moved closer to her, his smile contagious. Slowly, Peter kissed her and pulled back. “Like that?” he asked, laughing. “Or-- like that? Or--”

“Shut up, loser,” Michelle interrupted him. Her hands connected at the back of his neck and brought him in for another kiss.

For a while, the Halloween party was actually fun. She was a scientist, borrowing a lab coat and goggles from her biology teacher, and Ned was Captain America-- Sam Wilson, not Steve Rogers. In a corner, conversing with each other and whoever stumbled near them, they waited for Peter to arrive. They were betting on who could find the most Spider-Men in five minutes; Ned counted thirteen, but Michelle found seventeen. He slipped ten dollars into her hand just as Peter made his way over to them.

“You guys look great!” he exclaimed. “I could send a picture of you to Sam, Ned. Oh! Maybe even arrange a meeting!”

“Calm down, it’s us. You don’t need to impress us,” she explained, and her hand fell on his shoulder. To her surprise, Peter’s hand went around her waist, in  _ public _ . It was as exhilarating as almost getting caught by May was. “See, we like your personality, and not just who you know and what you do.”

“MJ, I don’t think--”

“Gwen Stacy didn’t even knew you existed before this happened,” Ned jumped in. “They just think you’re cool because of Spider-Man.”

She couldn’t see Peter’s facial expression behind his mask, but Michelle knew he was getting sick of this conversation by his elongated sigh. “Let’s talk about this later, okay? MJ, wanna dance? Let’s dance.” 

He took her hand and pulled her to where everyone was dancing. That’s the part she enjoyed-- Peter unapologetically touching her in front of everyone, his hands on her waist or her back or running up and down her arms. They moved along to the music and Michelle felt like she was on Cloud 9, happy to be where she was and ecstatic to be with who she was with.

Of course, something had to ruin it eventually. Peter’s phone started vibrating and he pulled it out of his pocket. There was a hostage situation happening at a McDonald’s a few blocks away. “Go,” Michelle shouted over the music. “I’ll be fine.”

Peter nodded, pulling his mask up to reveal his lips and kissing her. “I’ll be back, I promise.”

Michelle watched him leave. Those five minutes was all she needed, and if they couldn’t go public soon, then at least she knew what it felt like.

She wandered to the refreshments table and poured herself a Coke. The Stacy’s had baked cookies and frosted them to look like eyeballs, so she gingerly picked one up and surveyed it before taking a bite. 

“You know you were dancing with Spider-Man, right?” Harry said, walking up to her. (She found out his last name was Osborn, after peeking at the top of his worksheet.)

“I-- I was what?” Michelle stammered. “I wasn’t dancing with  _ Spider-Man _ .”

“Yeah you were. Or, at least a guy in a Spidey costume.” Her heart, previously pounding in her ears, relaxed. “So, who was he?”

She shrugged. “Just some guy who asked me to dance.”

“Really? And you’ll kiss any guy who asks you to dance?”

Harry was getting on her nerves. He liked her, and it didn’t take a genius to figure it out, but the most Michelle could stomach him for was an hour in geography. “In the minute since I’ve been without that guy, my standards have risen astronomically. Now I require a five course meal and for him to be able to talk about the declining state of our country.”

Her words seemed to have smacked him in the face. “I’m-- I’m sure there’s a guy for you who can provide that.”

“Just not at this party,” Michelle said. He probably didn’t hear her, as his eyebrows knitted in confusion. “I’ve gotta catch up with my friend now. Bye.”

She found Ned sitting on the porch outside. She sat down next to him, her feet dangling over the edge. They could hear kids splashing in the pool and the muffled bass of the song from inside. Without Peter, it felt incredibly lonely. “You know,” she started, “I think you’re my best friend now. Not including… you know.”

Ned pursed his lips together, his head slowly moving up and down. “Besides him, yeah, you’re my best friend, too. Crazy.”

“Completely.”

They sat there for a while. Not saying a word, just basking in their own realities. Michelle didn’t have that many friends to begin with, but she never expected to be close with Ned Leeds. She had never considered that they had much in common. And they didn’t, not really, but they  _ did _ have Peter in common. That meant a lot, apparently.

After an hour and a half of waiting for him to come back, Michelle and Ned decided to leave. The first thing her eyes laid on when opening the screen door, was the  _ real _ Spider-Man, in his black and red suit and his mask by his side, in a deep conversation with Gwen Stacy and friends. 

And Michelle felt crushed.

___

The closer the new year approached, the more time she spent with Ned-- and Harry Osborn.

Ned and Harry had AP Euro together, and when Ned begged Michelle to help him study, he asked if his friend could tag along. To her dismay, Harry had opened the door for her. The whole night, he was jumping at the chance to get her anything she needed, always asking, “Do you need anything, Michelle?” when he stood up. Ned kept reminding him that he was there, as well.

But, at the end of the night, she managed to get twenty dollars from him. “A tutor fee for people who can’t call me MJ,” she had claimed. Harry happily slid her the money, as he did for a few tutor sessions after. Soon enough, though, they started hanging out as  _ friends _ . The three of them-- Ned, Harry, and Michelle--and she wasn’t even being paid to do it.

Harry was nice. Respectful, funny if he tried, and would let Michelle pick what music to listen to when he could tell that she was having a bad day. He still kind of annoyed her, and talked far too much, but he was  _ there _ . After school, at Ned’s apartment, Harry was there. At school, at lunch and in geography, he was there. He was there and would gladly talk to Michelle-- in public.

She even started ranting to her about her problems. Never telling the whole truth, of course, but because Ned was saddled with his own Peter related issues as of late, Harry was the only other person Michelle could talk to. She had told him that there was this boy she saw whenever she went up to her aunt’s cabin, and that she really, really liked him, but that there were some issues. The issues changed after every weekend; the days Harry thought she was at the cabin, but the days she was really with Peter.

Things went downhill after Halloween. Michelle still cuddled on the couch with him watching a movie, and still had moments with him that she wouldn’t dare give up, but those became sporadic. That weekend after Gwen Stacy’s party, they had their first fight; a loud, tear-inducing fight, and ever since, things had felt weird. Like they were both holding their tongues back so they wouldn’t argue again, and it filled the room with so much tension it was difficult to sleep in.

Sometimes, they  _ did _ fight. It was never as bad as the first one, but it’d end with Michelle having to take a “cool down” walk around the block. She would walk back into the apartment, where Peter would hug her, kiss her forehead, and tell her, “I’m sorry, MJ. I just need some more time.”

And every time, she gave in. She was in love with him, and wasn’t going to give up the one thing that made her feel good just because it was a  _ little _ frustrating.

That’s what Michelle told herself-- that it was just an inconvenience. Seeing Peter talking to Ned in the hallways, or anyone else for that matter, didn’t make her insanely jealous. It just put a damper on her day. Hearing some asshole kids saying that Peter is a murderer and not being able to defend him just made her a  _ tad _ angry. Sitting right in front of Gwen Stacy in AP Stats and listening to how she’s going to snag a date with Spider-Man was completely fine. All of it, just an inconvenience, because she was in love. 

She hated thinking it, but maybe her excuses were beginning to run out.

It was probably the most terrifying thought Michelle had. But, also the most rational.

“You’re quiet today,” Harry said, as they walked out of Ned’s apartment. “You didn’t even react when Ned shattered his phone.”

“It wasn’t funny,” she muttered.

“Well I didn’t say  _ laugh _ , I said react. You were spaced out the whole time we were there. Is this because of cabin guy?”

She never even came up with a fake name for him. Michelle sighed, “Uh… yeah, I guess.”

“MJ, I know my opinion on these matters doesn’t mean much, but, I think you deserve better than a guy who won’t even introduce you to his friends.” He stopped walking, pulling Michelle to the side so they wouldn’t disrupt anyone’s path. “I hate seeing you like this. Dump him, MJ.”

“Harry--”

“I’m serious. If I was your boyfriend, I’d bring it up whenever I could. Because  _ I _ would be the lucky one, because MJ-- MJ, you are so smart, and beautiful, and literally the whole package that whoever would give you up would be insane.” 

Michelle wasn’t blind. She knew that Harry liked her, but was hoping it would go away over time. “I… can’t date you, Harry.”

“That wasn’t me asking you out! I’m just saying that--” He inhaled through his nose, and looked up to the sky for a moment. “Okay, I like you, but I’m not just telling you to dump him because of that. But because you deserve to talk about the declining state of the country while eating a five course meal. And I can do that with you.” She furrowed her eyebrows, wondering where that came from. “Uh, like you said at the Halloween party. Remember?” 

“I can’t,” Michelle repeated. That seemed to be the only words she could manage.

“But--”

A loud  _ thud _ behind her cut Harry off. The look on his face, one similar to a child opening his gifts on Christmas, told Michelle who was behind her without even having to check. Probably the last person in the world she wanted to see right now, hidden behind that now useless mask, started speaking, “Harry, I think she said no.”

“H-huh?” Harry let out, also at a loss for words.

“She said no. And asking again won’t make her say yes.” 

“Right. S-sorry, MJ. Sorry, Spider-Man. Or Peter. I-- I’ll see you tomorrow, MJ.” His face was beet red as he turned around, hanging his head in shame as he hurried away.

Finally, Michelle turned around. “I had that handled,” she said.

“I know you did. Just thought I would come down and offer you a lift home and then overheard your conversation.” She scoffed at his offer, because that would require being  _ seen _ . “Spider-Man helps people during everyday inconveniences to heavy crime, and if you consider walking an inconveniences--”

“Whatever, you can give me a  _ lift _ .” Michelle hated swinging through the air with him, but she needed to talk to him, and it couldn’t wait until Friday night. So, she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, and braced herself for lift off.

By the time they landed outside of her apartment, she was more angry than she expected to be. Harry’s words had gotten to Michelle’s head-- and they were annoyingly nagging away at every positive thought she tried to come up with. “My parents are still at work,” she said. “And my brother is at guitar lessons for another hour. I need to talk to you quickly.”

Peter was rigid as she slipped out of his grasp. “O-okay,” he stuttered. By the time Michelle had slipped inside of her building, he was still frozen in place.

However, he had beat her to her room. With his mask in his hand, he was sitting on her bed, expectantly looking towards the door as his foot bounced up and down. “What’s wrong?” Peter asked as soon as Michelle walked in.

She could already feel the tears coming as she sat down next to him on the bed. “I think… I think we need to call it.”

“ _ What _ ?” he blurted. “For what reason?”

“Because I want to meet your aunt! I want you to meet my parents, and I want you to  _ want _ to meet them, too.” She couldn’t stand the way he was looking at her; like she had shoved a knife into his side and was twisting it with every word. Michelle shifted her gaze to the floor. “There are no threats against my life, Peter, or Ned’s, or May’s-- and it’s been months. You obviously don’t want to tell people about us, and if that’s the case, then let’s just break up now.”

Peter stood up, pacing across the floor. “Did Ned tell you what happened on his birthday?” Michelle shook her head. “Someone sent him an email, and when he opened it, it was pictures of him. Stalker-like photos taken across the street, and you’re in a few of them.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because Ned didn’t want anyone to know! He said there was no reason to panic, that it was probably some stupid kid from our school wanting to scare him, but--” Peter dramatically shrugged, his hand losing the grip on his mask. “But I didn’t really agree with him. I just want to keep him safe, so I’m--”

Recently, she hadn’t seen the two of them talking during school. Ned ate lunch with Michelle and Harry, with this distant look on his face that was directed towards Peter’s table. It made sense now. “So you’re keeping your distance?” she interrupted. “Is that what you’re going to do every time someone gets threatened?  _ If _ they get threatened, that is. You’ll be all alone, Peter. Is that what you want?”

“If it keeps everyone safe.” Michelle shot to her feet, with a million arguments ready in her head. “And I don’t want to lose you, MJ. Ever.”

“You can’t make those decisions for people. If Ned wants to be your friend, even when knowing the consequences, you let him. If I want to hold your fucking hand in the park,  _ let me _ . I know you think it’s your responsibility to save everyone--”

“Because it is, MJ.”

“--but it’s  _ not _ .” Michelle reached her hands out, hesitantly cupping his face. He leaned into it and closed his eyes. “You aren’t all-knowing. You can’t stop bad things from happening, and those bad things happen to everyone. They’ll happen to me, and Ned, and even May. And they won’t be your fault, no matter what.”

Peter shook his head. “If they happen because some lunatic wants revenge on me, then it’s my fault.”

She took a deep breath to calm down, and to think. Nothing she would say would change his mind; he was probably still carrying the weight of Michelle’s near death experience from that summer, and would never unload it. “Those lunatics are  _ lunatics _ . You save people, and for that, they hate you. That is not your fault.”

He didn’t respond, too busy forcing tears down to think of something that would prove her wrong. “You know I love you, right?” Michelle said in his place. “But what we’re doing, hiding because of someone we don’t even know exists-- it isn’t working for me, Peter.”

“I know,” he said, in a breathy whisper. 

“Then let’s do something about it. Come to dinner tomorrow night with my parents, and we can start there. They would love to know how happy you make me.” Michelle smiled, thinking she was making process. “Or, we can start even slower and I can meet May. It’s not like she would tell anyone.”

“I would love to, MJ.” He rubbed his nose as his chin trembled. “B-but--”

Michelle scoffed and let go of his face. She was angry, angrier than she had ever been before in her life. “But you can’t. Whatever, Peter.” His phone started blaring police sirens-- the alarm for any crime in the area. “Go.” He didn’t move. “Seriously,  _ go _ . We’re done here.”

“MJ, please--”

“Goodbye, Peter.”

He stiffly picked up his mask, and pulled it over his head. Before diving out the window, he looked back at her, his jaw moving as if he was going to say something-- but nothing came out.

So, that was it.

Months of being with him, felt over after a conversation that didn’t even last ten minutes. No more weekends, no more blinding happiness, and maybe it was for the best. But, as Michelle fell back onto her bed, feeling numb as the anger faded, she wasn’t sure how she would cope. 

And then, she heard her name echoing across the street.

She jumped towards the window, and saw Spider-Man hanging onto the third floor fire escape from the building across from her. He waved when her head poked outside. “I love you, MJ,” he yelled. “I LOVE YOU!”

He hung on for a few more seconds before he had to go, moving in the direction of the emergency. Michelle watched, with a grin so wide and an undeniable doubt that she loved him back. 

**Author's Note:**

> i have been working on this for so long and i'm actually really happy with how it turned out!! thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it!!


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